Random Thoughts

By

William D. Dannenmaier

Since my bride’s decision to try to reduce, we have gone on a stringent diet.  On Mondays and Wednesdays my breakfast consists of a boiled egg.  This morning, she had a doctor’s appointment in Nashville and had to leave home at six.  I assured her that I could feed all of the animals, including me.  I confess, not to her, over the years, my boiled eggs that she has cooked have ranged from watery to hardboiled – neither of which I like.  I have fussed to myself that “anyone can boil an egg!”  So, with her gone, I started to boil my egg.  She says ten minutes start to finish for one I like.  But does she start with cold water, warm water or boiling water?  After puzzling over that problem for a few minutes, I decided to fry my egg.  Later on my morning walk, it occurred to me that I didn’t know how to boil an egg!

My mind wandered on during the walk and I thought of all the other old men I have known who have walked for their “health.”  They all died a year or two after starting their walking regimen.  It made me wonder why I’m being encouraged to walk.  In another four months I’ll be starting my second year. 

On May 12, 2007, Fox News. Com reported on a 28 year old man who had supported himself by feigning mental retardation.  He was finally caught when he was videotaped protesting a parking ticket.  They have not reported on the opposites: those who support themselves by feigning intelligence and get elected to Congress.

Sometimes our family conversations wander.  We had guests the other day and their two year old daughter was trotting from one of our beasts to the other, successfully puzzling our two shepherds and Baxter, a rottweiler mix.  I commented to the visitors that I liked large dogs: while ours were friendly, one never knew how they would react to an unfriendly invader.  At that Stephen spoke up and said that years ago when he was up in the woods two stray dogs with some pit bull markings were chasing him when Thorin, our Pyrenees puppy, came crashing out of the bush.  Thorin hit the one attacker so hard he knocked him into a gully and then attacked the other.  Stephen said he thought Thorin was going to kill the other dog before it succeeded in escaping.  I explained to our visitor that Thorin was a Great Pyrenees, bred to fight wolves and weighing about a hundred and fifty pounds.  Stephen corrected me, saying he only weighed about a hundred and twenty, but that if he had been neutered he would have gone up to a hundred and fifty.  He went on to say that was how they made capons, they neutered young roosters to make them grow larger, that any male neutered grew bigger.  Considering that, now I understand.  I always wondered how they got these giant tackles and guards for professional football.

On August 26, 2007, newsobserver.com reported that the Durham, N.C., police had charged a 93 year old man with cocaine trafficking.  While I disapprove of drug trafficking (In Tennessee this does not include a little moonshine sharing.) this man may have found a solution to the problems of the elderly.  A rarely discussed but generally known fact is that the lower income elderly have difficulty living in our modern world.  Often they lack the money for medical and dental care and nourishing meals.  Those with an income that would provide this frequently lack the mobility to go to places where they can obtain them.  Nursing homes are expensive and, too often, fail to provide necessary care.  Contrast this with the lot of criminals in federal prisons.  They have clean beds, three meals a day, telephones, cable television, all necessary medical and dental care as well as sports equipment for those sufficiently healthy to use it.  I recall that when prisoners at the Fort Leavenworth Penitentiary rioted the warden said he was going to quit serving them t-bone steaks.  They were using the bones as weapons.  Thus the solution for the impoverished elderly.  Commit a federal crime.  Too many young people are injured by drugs, but you can always hold up a few banks – don’t hurt anyone.  If some kindly judge puts you on probation, hold up more.  Eventually you can get a nice slot in a federal prison with good food, medical care and all the television you wish.