Posted by
William D. Dannenmaier on Saturday, September 11, 2010 9:31:09 AM
A few years ago, stealing an idea from Jonathan Swift, I suggested that as a fetus is not a human, we are wasting good cat food when we throw away that aborted protein. I suggested other uses for late fetuses, for example that nine month protein could be served at the next Planned Parenthood conference. Diners would be asked if they preferred Black, Brown or White meat. That suggestion seemed to offend some people. Perhaps it was in poor taste. I have a different suggestion now.
But first my experience. Conversations with troubled people both as a psychologist and as a professor led me to argue against unrestrained sexual behavior. Some casual students learned that indiscriminate sex led to pregnancy and that pregnancy inevitably resulted in one of three unhappy situations for an unmarried young woman. Too many cried on my shoulder, but I could only listen, not give the help they wished. The only three solutions are unhappy.
The easy out appears to be abortions but abortions are not as safe as some would have young women believe. They are dangerous medical procedures which sometimes result in serious medical problems including sterilization. The latter is only discovered when the woman, now older, wiser and married, wants a child.
Adoption also has its problems, both for the adoptee, who spends years wondering about “real parents” and mothers who spend their lives wondering what happened to their child.
Then there are the young women who keep their out-of-wedlock children. Those I have met would like their own home and husband, but young men interested in marriage seem to be rarely interested in single girls with children, even when those girls are attractive and intelligent.
However, these problems, all three of them, can be reduced if not eliminated if Congress will follow my advice.
Instead of abortion clinics under varied, perhaps misleading, names, why doesn’t the government fund safe sex houses? Say a young couple has a romantic evening. A candle lit dinner, good wine and leisurely dancing lead both to romantic inclinations. If preliminary petting establishes that both are interested in a step further, they can go to a “safe sex” house. There they will be required to show identification to ensure age eligibility. Only those speaking Spanish and members of Congress will be exempted this requirement. A nurse will take blood samples from each. While these samples are being tested for contagious, sexual, diseases they can wait in a quiet lounge furnished with pleasant magazines on topics such as family planning, parenting, activities for children, long-term financial planning and medical information on safe sex practices along with brochures from different church denominations.
Following the receipt of results of the medical tests assuring that both of our interested romantics are free of disease they will be taken to another room where other magazines are available with suggestions for increasing their pleasure. While, or following, perusing these, another nurse will discuss contraceptive methods. This should include not only discussions as to the use of different types, but graphic illustrations and statistics on effectiveness. A short lesson on statistical procedures, such as the standard error of estimate and the standard error of measurement and their uses may be essential at this time. A blackboard and chalk will be available for these explanations. A short multiple choice test will be given to ensure that they understand the uses and potential problems of each method. Then they will sign affidavits that they have received and understand their counseling and that the neither the personnel of the safe sex house nor the government are responsible if they contract a disease or become pregnant. This must be notarized by a resident notary. The notary will provide a list of lawyers who specialize in breach of promise and paternity suits. Then, following the receipt of the contraceptive devices of their choice, the couple will be assigned a room where they may complete their romantic evening.
I believe my “safe sex house” is a reasonable suggestion for romancing couples. It will provide interesting and different foreplay while reducing the problems that so many have experienced. True, it is a different idea, but anyone who questions the wisdom of such a program, should consider other programs our Congress has passed recently. If the "safte sex house" legislation is written in simple language, they may even read it before they pass it.